Kindra's Blog

God is good.

So, so good.

This is a fact. Not a theory, belief, or a fairy tale. A fact. A fact - unchanging, regardless whether you or I choose to believe that it is such or not.

It's easy for that to fade into the background of our mind when we're in the midst of trials. It's easy for us to be tempted to blame God when things in our lives go wrong, forgetting all the while to thank Him for the myriads of things that we are given without even needing to ask. We tell those who ask us for favors "No" or that they have to wait- yet when that's the reply we get from our God, we whine, complain, and declare the unfairness of it all. After all, we are only asking for the right to do exactly as we please. Right?

I mentioned that I'm only a little Polly Pocket in my last post, and I thought I might attempt to explain what I meant by that here. I say attempt because trying to explain some of my mental images can be...somewhat difficult. See, growing up we had quite the collection of tiny little plastic people along with the small houses for them to live in. Not just the typical small people that you usually saw- these were petite. Polly Pockets. We collected them at yard sales and on birthdays, whenever and where ever we could. I spent countless hours arranging them perfectly in their minute homes, which typically flipped open in much the same fashion as a locket would. These minuscule people's worlds consisted of their tiny homes that they were too short to see out of. They were incapable of so much as moving with out my aid. Consequently, if Mom were to walk through my wee village, and I would be forced to slam a few houses shut and throw them out of the way, they would have never seen it coming. And it would be easy in such a situation for the thrown person to be upset at the thrower, if they were unable to trust the thrower's heart. To know that he would never cause pain without a reason. And have faith that he can make beauty from ashes. To sing hallelujah, albeit brokenly. It's far from a perfect allegory, I fully recognize that. But it helps me to make sense of my life, and to remember that when things look ugly from my perspective...that my perspective is infinitesimal. Why not trust the one who can see the whole picture?

We were given a gift the other morning, and I still just want to wave my hands and declare "Merci BonDye!" every time I think of it. A simple reminder of the goodness of God, at a time when I felt like we desperately needed just that. A labouring woman had come in the other morning, and seemed close to delivery at the time that Ro and Marcille arrived down at the clinic around 6:30-ish. Things were going normally and well for a bit, until they suddenly regressed quite a bit, and a call for pit was made back to the house. When the rest of us nurses descended on the clinic at nine, they had an IV already started, and they put her right on pit. A decision was made to get on the road out to town with her since we were concerned about the baby at this point, and while Hans went to get the machine ready, every one was asked to pray for her. They covered her up enough to be modest, and Fre Dolf and Noaz came in, along with her family that was there, those of us nurses that happened to be with her right then, and a few of the other workers from church. We had quite the little prayer service there, until Hans showed up with the machine and they had to leave. All of our patients out front helpfully attempted to lend assistance and pressed in close around the machine, and we all breathed a sigh of relief and a prayer when they were able to actually hit the trail. I was in the birthing room working on washing up about ten minutes later when I heard the crowd out front simply erupt with nearly ear-splitting noise, and as I walked toward the front I could begin to make out the individual cries of "Merci Jezi", "BonDye Bon", "Merci BonDye", and "Hallelujah". I could see the crowd of people who were swarming around in their excitement, their hands raised high in praise and thankfulness to BonDye. The husband of the woman had apparently called back to say that the baby had arrived, and all was well. Tears filled my eyes as my hands joined the others in praising a God who I know as good. So, so good.

Mom and Dad are currently in Austria at a clinic where Mom is receiving treatment. They are flying home for a few weeks on Monday, and plan to return to Austria again sometime after New Years for an additional five weeks of treatment. The clinic there has an excellent reputation, and came highly recommended, but even highly recommended and excellent reputation-ed people are still just that - people. Nothing more. So we continue to pray to the only one who can cure my mother's cancer. And we put our faith and trust in His heart. God knows....And He knows best. We're here for His glorification, wherever that takes us. Beauty from ashes. Shattered fragments of dreams and wishes, waiting to be pieced back together into a beautiful example of the goodness and faithfulness of our God. Broken Hallelujahs.

God is good.

Hallelujah.

-Kindra

I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.

I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You make beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
And on my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start.

Even though I don't know what your plan is,
I know You make beauty from these ashes.

I've seen joy and I've seen pain.
And on my knees, I call Your name.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

With nothing left to hold onto,
I raise these empty hands to You.
Here's my broken hallelujah.

When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed.
Let me always sing Hallelujah
When I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased
Let me always sing Hallelujah.
Let me always sing Hallelujah.

I will always sing
I will always sing
Here's my broken hallelujah.

Girls, or the female gender in general, are incredible multitaskers.  Or so they say.  If that truly is the case, I must be the exception that proved the role.  It's a known thing in my family that I cannot multitask well.  If I'm on the phone and someone else tries to ask me a question, I am no longer able to listen to either the person on the phone or the person in front of me.  Yes, I can wash a wall and carry on a conversation at the same time, but even that small distraction can affect my work.  I grow noticeably slower and will invariably miss some spots unless I halt the conversation long enough to look back over my work.  When I give a patient a shot or something that requires me to go chart it, but I need to take another patient's vitals first, my brain switches tracks and has a very difficult time remembering the shot that I was supposed to chart.  And if I get too ambitious and try to do many things at once....let's just say that things usually don't go very well.

I've learned little ways to combat this shortcoming in my life, though.  When I need to remember to chart something, I now make a note to myself with the information that I need to remember on it.  And put in my pocket.  Then I pray that I don't forget that it's there. :o) I've learned that sometimes I simply need to ask people to wait a minute while I finish what I had previously started.  I've learned to recognize that I can't do as many things at once as some people, but that I can still do what I can do well.  (I can almost hear Buddy Davis breaking out in song when I say that :o) )

I also decided today to learn to juggle. :o) In some sort of defiant proof to myself that I can at least teach myself to do that much multitasking, I practiced with potatoes for a few hours this afternoon.  I think I may actually be sore tomorrow from bending over to pick up dropped potatoes so many times, and my face may be bruised as well- I'm not very good at throwing the potatoes UP and not over my shoulder, into the attic, or straight at my forehead.  But I made progress.  And I am determined to become a real juggler.  And who knows, maybe someday I'll be able to mouth to Mom where I put the groceries while simultaneously listening to my sister tell me about her day over the phone.  A girl can dream, can't she? :o)

I finally got to unpack my bags last night.  When I first arrived down here, Ro was visiting back in the States, and I was sharing her room with Janell since Janette and her sister were staying in Janell's room.  I originally was going to move with Janell back into her room when Janette and her family left, but then ended up just staying with Ro when she came back, with the thought that I would be moving to some undecided-as-of-then room that would be figured out when Whit's sister Kylie left for home.  With all that said, I had never really unpacked since I've believed most of my time here that I was going to move in a couple weeks.  BUT.  We decided the other day that we're going to try to get some bunk beds built for Ro's room in the next couple weeks, and that I'm just going to stay in there.  So I gleefully unpacked yesterday evening, and made some rather surprising discoveries that I had already forgotten that I brought down.  Finally getting to have my own drawer and shelf is quite pleasing and good for my heart.

Well, we are trying to listen to Ephrata Bible School's program as I speak (write)....so if I really want to pay attention and try to hear my little sisters singing I should get off of my little device.

Have a delicious week, and God bless each on of y'all as you serve Him in whatever corner of the world He has you.

This Friday will mark four weeks since I arrived back on Haitian soil.  It feels like forever and yet as though I was just leaving home a few days ago...time is an illusive thing anywhere, but seems even more so here.

They came, from The South and from The West, to a beauteous mountain range known as the Rockies, in a fair land called Colorado.  "They" were my family, and the occasion was our annual family vacation.  A week of laughter, debating, tickle matches, fierce Xbox battles, hugs, teasing, eating, catching up on each other's lives and enjoying a welcome break from the pressures of daily life.


We wandered down Breckenridge's main street, browsing little shops, finding yummy food, and had fun trying on new hairstyles at a shop that happened to have a small corner dedicated to just that. :o)


We played mini golf, Go Fish, Xbox, pool, quick scrabble, and a few arcade games...


And spent a day at Glenwood Adventure Park where we went spelunking, roller-coaster-riding, maze-running, zipline-flying, laser-tagging, and got to ride the giant canyon swing.  Which really was a GIANT swing placed strategically at the edge of the canyon to ensure the most trauma to the rider.  Most of us suffered from varying degrees of hoarseness after we finished riding the roller-coaster and swing. :o)


We spent a whole morning trying to get a good picture with everyone looking AND smiling- realized that wasn't going to happen, and called it good enough. :o)


But most of all, we just enjoyed the chance to all be together again.  With Maacah and Glen both living out in Montana now, me moving back down to Haiti in less than a month, and Mom's cancer diagnosis, we treasure those moments and hold them sacred.  Life's short.  We aren't promised tomorrow.

Make memories that matter.

Hopefully I've learned much more than ten things over the years, but that's the number that comes to mind at the moment, mostly because I've either just learned them, or they were recently reinforced.  So, without further ado, I give you ten things.

1)  If you sing loudly while driving a golf cart after dark, there is a high likelihood that a bug will go home searching and select your open orifice as it's new lodging.  This can cause excessive veering and swerving as the driver of the golf carts attempts to dislodge said bug.  Also, large amounts of gagging and hacking sounds may emit from the vicinity of the golf cart.  Do not worry.  This is a normal part of the bug removal process.

2)  Skittles can sound EXACTLY like a chicken.  I am referring to Dad's bird Skittles- not the candy.  That would be weird.  Actually, the bird sounding like a chicken IS weird- but that's not the point.

3) Mothers do not listen to their daughters' advise regarding their (the mother's) health.  They may nod politely and appear compliant.  This is an act.  Inside they are planning exactly what they want to do for the day, with complete disregard for your advise to NOT do too much.  Also, while I'm on the subject of mothers, if you're lucky (blessed) enough to still have yours, give her an extra hug and kiss today- just because you can.  Nobody is promised forever, and you never know what tomorrow may bring.  Make use of the time that you have.

4)  The world's largest plane is really, really...LARGE.  Like, it's HUGE.  HUGE.

5)  It really doesn't make a difference how long it's been since you've seen family members- you can slip right back in and connect again just like the last time you saw them.

6)  Sisters are treasurers.  Gifts from God.  Never, ever, EVER take them for granted.  The same goes for brothers.  And parents. Also grandparents.  Aunts and uncles.  Cousins.  Basically, just all family.  And friends.  So, basically just everyone.  Never, ever, EVER take ANYONE for granted.  Even the ones that you are convinced God sent into your life solely to teach you patience.

7)  I have, in my room, what is literally the most comfortable bed ever.

8)  Not eating large amounts of junk food and eating basically NO sugar is not as difficult as I would have declared it to be a year ago.

9)  Doctors are not all-knowing.

10)  I am blessed.  Really, truly, deeply blessed by God.  My life is not perfect- no one's is- but it IS extremely blessed.  I have a loving family that supports me and cares about me, I was able to spend a year in school learning how to be a nurse, I live in a gorgeous state and get to see beautiful sunsets, I have a job, I always have enough to eat, a lovely room just for me, medical aid in the event of an emergency is just minutes away, I've never had any major health issues, I was given the opportunity to travel to Haiti and live with one the most amazing groups of people that I've ever met for three months, and, even if I never get to go back again, that experience has enriched my life forever.  Life is good.  But, you know what's crazy?  All the good here is just a shadow of what's to come.  Life IS good- but really, it's what's coming after life here on earth that's going to be awesome.  And can I just insert a mini-rant here about how abused that word is?  I mean, the pizza that you had to eat tonight inspired a "feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder"?  Really???  Would it be so difficult to reserve one word for the way it was originally meant?  For things that inspire AWE.  Like Glacier National Park.  God's grace.  I realize that those two may not sound that similar, but if you've ever seen the beauty and vastness of the mountains and glaciers there, and felt the insignificance that comes with realizing how truly tiny you are, I think you'll understand.  It's AWESOME.

So that's ten.  I could go on, but I'd hate to bore anyone any longer. :o) Thanks for sticking with me this long, and until next time, God bless!

-Kindra

I held a conversation today that tickled me to no end, so I thought that I would share at least part of it with y'all.  It went as follows:

I know, I know....it's been a long time since I've posted on here again.  I had hoped that I would have some time while we were on vacation to catch up with this and some emails that have been needing to be written. All my wonderful plans, however, sorta fell be the wayside when we actually got to Cap Haitian.  Between just flat-out being busy while we were there, incredibly slow internet at our motel, and the fact that the day we checked in at the motel I heard some news from home that sorta threw me for a bit of a loop for most of vacation, I really didn't catch up on anything.

We left home last Tuesday afternoon (April 8th) and drove to Petit Goave for the evening at Pastor Levi's, then drove from there to spend the night at Blue Ridge in Port.  Wednesday morning we all piled into the ambulance and headed up to Cap Haitian...Steve, Shana and their two children, Michael, Julian, Rhoda, Kate, Whitney, Dominique, and I.  We arrived in the afternoon and checked into our motel....it was absolutely gorgeous, and we all just lounged around and did very little for the rest of the day. :o)

Thursday we decided to head out to a little resort along the beach that was about twenty minutes from where we were staying.  We spent the better part of the afternoon there, swimming, wandering the grounds and admiring the many beautiful flowers that were blooming, whistling at the birds caged there, and, for me at least, building a sandcastle. :o)  I had fun with it, and named it in honor of my mom- I just wish that I could have gotten the water that I tried to fill the moat with to stay in the moat. :o)

Me, Kate, Whit, Dominique, and Rho

Group Picture!

Steve and Shana's two children, Alex and Cherie.

The two guys, Michael and Julian- yes, Steve is a guy, but for some reason in this case he doesn't count...I think it's because he's married. :o)

Steve and Shana

The girls: Dominique, Rhoda, Whitney, Katie, and I (I think the same principle applies to Shana here...she's married) :o)

King Christophe's palace

Saturday we lazied around in the morning and did a little souvenir shopping, then headed back down to stay at SLM in Port for the night.  Sunday morning we attended a program that Maranatha Bible School's choir was having at CAM, then we drove back down to our mountains that evening.

Vacation was fun.  Going home was fun-ner. :o) It was great to be back in my room, and to feed my bunny again, and just to see all my friends again...I always love traveling, and I always love that feeling of coming home.  Home, however, has become a slightly confusing subject to me that is better left for another blog...maybe next week.  No promises, though. :o)

Whit and Dominique laughed at me because that is what I keep repeating as I opened my box from home this afternoon.  Over, and over, and over again.  Gifts mean a lot to me. Especially when I can tell that the person took the time to find something that they really thought I would like.  And especially since I live so far away, now.

And there was SO much stuff in that box!  I'm not sure who packed it all in there, but they did an amazing job.  I kept pulling things out, and pulling things out for what seemed like forever. :o)

So, a great big THANK YOU to everyone who sent anything in the box.  It was appreciated far more than you will ever know. I jumped up and down, clapped, cried, and marveled over it all for the better part of the afternoon. :o)

That wasn't the only thing to make me happy today.  There was quite a build-up of happy things, actually.

The clinic was...well, like the clinic often is on Tuesdays- a little slower.  I could once again do some of the cleaning that is always calling me...And I so rarely answer that call. :o)

I was trying to explain to someone today that it's the tiny little things that make me absurdly happy....like shining the little metal things that cotton balls are kept in.  I love sitting and smiling at them when I'm finished...And I can practically see them smiling back.

I got to start an IV again.  I always loved them in school, and haven't had the opportunity to do one since we finished clinicals last year.  I had almost forgotten how satisfying they are. :o) A woman came in and started "decomposing" this afternoon, so we gave her liter on normal saline, and she perked right up.  Mis Leda dismissed them this afternoon to head back home.

Or the fact that the bandage station clipboard is now hanging neatly on the wall, and not sitting on the counter and constantly in the way.  Kudos to Nate for that one.

And being able to show a mother her unborn child, using the ultrasound machine.  When I pointed out the baby's foot (or what I believed to be so), she looked so happy.  I am now determined to figure that machine out. :o)  I just so badly want to know what all those buttons, dials, and switches do.  They completely intrigue me.  We're looking for a volunteer to come teach us how to use it, so if anybody knows anybody....please, send them our way.

Steve and Shana and our missing nurses arrived back home today.  It feels like it's been forever since they were here, and it was so good to see them again.  Whit and I both enjoyed the challenge of running the clinic ourselves for a few days, but it will definitely be nice to go back to having more nurses around. :o)

I think we're having a wiener roast tonight with our latest company (Alvin and Mary Kay Stoll came with my box from home today), so I should run see if my laundry is dry enough to come in before it gets completely smoked.

Hope y'all had as good of a day as I did...And have a great rest of the week.

Take care, and God bless!

-Kindra

Okay, so I decided when I created this blog that I was NOT going to be one of those bloggers who always seemed to forget that they had a blog.  I was creating a blog for one reason: to keep my family and friends updated- and I intended to post on my blog.  I mean how hard could sitting down for a bit every couple days and typing a little something be, right?  Wrong!  It's been a month since I've posted ANYTHING on here.  Shame on me.  Anyway, now that I've got that out in the open- moving on...


We were treated to a trip out to town and to the beach last weekend.  We got to browse market for a couple hours, sit down at a real restaurant and have some absolutely delicious chicken and goat, hit the beach and go snorkeling, and just relax without having to keep an ear constantly turned to hear if someone knocks at the gate.  We came back exhausted and refreshed.


I got to do my first suture job today.  I've been dying to get to try ever since MMI, where I really enjoyed the lesson and getting to practice on the boards they gave us.  I even got to try finger-block anesthesia, and, since the guy said he couldn't feel his finger after about ten minutes, I'm assuming it worked. :o)  I know that it was a far cry from perfect when I finished, and it certainly wasn't the prettiest suture job I've seen, but the edges of the laceration were more or less back together, and it was a definite improvement from when he came in.  And I was hooked.  Steve is now voicing concern that I may go sneaking out with a machete to assure myself of job security. :o)

The poor fellow's finger before it was cleaned, he had stuffed it with tobacco to stop the bleeding.

I also thought I'd share a picture of Bianca in her lovely little bunny palace....she seems to be quite happy and content living in it. :o)


Have a delicious week, and God bless!

-Kindra

 

 

-That was Saturday.  A group of us young people here at the mission decided to hike to see "The Waterfall". :o)  Actually, it was all the blan staff minus Steve's- except for Whit, who had to stay because it was her turn to be on call at the clinic.  So a group of five girls, three boys, three horses, and various other small people that came and went with the group headed out Saturday morning. 


 The waterfall was gorgeous.  The picture below really cannot begin to do its beauty justice.  It felt like a small tropical oasis, hidden from the outside world by the rocks surrounding it.  The blue-green pool at the bottom, and the lush greenery surrounding it, evoked a feeling of being hidden away in some undiscovered jungle wonderland.


I could have happily stayed there all day, playing beneath the waterfall, jumping off of rocks into the pool, and floating contentedly in the water.  But we girls had plans to go to Rhonda's that evening, so after one final exhilarating leap from the rock, we headed out to locate the guys, who were down by the side of the river.  We snapped a few group photos, then headed home.

Me, Rhoda, Sharon, Dominique, and Katie

Glenden, Nate, and David

My creole is slowly coming along...one of the young guys that works as a gate guard at the clinic told me today that I may start to sound like a Haitian in "two or three years." :o) I thought that sounded pretty inspiring, so I simply thanked him for his vote of confidence in my ability to learn the language.  But some days it feels like it may take that long to just be able to hold a casual conversation with someone.  I have actually got my creole lesson done the last two days, which is better than sometimes.  It seems like something tends to come up right when I am heading out to do it, then I get sidetracked, then the day is done, and it has somehow slipped through the cracks.

Yesterday was exactly one month since I arrived here.  I can hardly believe that much time has already sped by.  It seems like yesterday that I was crying on an airplane, heading south; yet at the same time, it feels as though I have been living here for forever.  And I am falling more in love with life here every day- well, most days, that is. :o) There are a few days here and there where it isn't much fun, but then again, I didn't come here to have fun, so...I think I'll stay. *wink*

I was up much later than I should have been last night, and I think I should probably try to catch up a bit on my sleep tonight, so I should go. 

Good night, and God bless!

-Kindra

My first time really-truly leaving home, my first time being away from my family for more than two weeks, my first blog, my first post on said blog....this is all a bit new, so please, have patience with me. :o)

I'm going to assume that, if you are bothering to read this, you know me.  Which means that you probably already know the big story about where I currently am, and what I'm doing here.  So this blog is to fill you in on the little stories, the daily little things that make up the big picture.

For instance, the fact that my bunny has a name now.  Bianca.  If you don't like it, don't worry- you're not alone.  I've heard a lot of different opinions about her name.  Bianca also has an real, honest-to-goodness rabbit-waterer now.  She has no clue how to use it, but it's there, hanging on her hutch. :o)

Or that that I'm really tempted to sneak out tonight and release the poor little mouse that is trapped under the tub.  He was spotted in the kitchen yesterday evening, and a rather wild mouse hunt ensued when he disappeared into the cabinets.  He was found, and quite vigorously pursued, but escaped into the cutout to the plumbing for the shower.  His escape route was promptly barricaded to prevent him re-entering the house, leaving him trapped in the space underneath the tub.  Now all I can think when I'm showering is of the poor little mouse that is starving, quite literally right below my feet.  But I'm not sure that my saving the mouse would be appreciated by anyone other than the mouse, so I've not ventured beyond being tempted.  At least, not yet. :o)

I've also learned a new appreciation for the power of a smile, and the ability of laughter to disband tension and frustration.  Trying to work with people with whom I don't share a language can be a bit frustrating at times, but I've learned that as long as I am willing to laugh at myself first, that frustration isn't given a chance to build up and cause grief.  And I often find myself surrounded by laughing Haitians, as I try out some new word or another, and, to their great amusement, butcher the pronunciation quite painfully sometimes.  They love to teach me new words and phrases, and I love to learn from them.

Please remember us in your prayers...we are given such an opportunity to shine the light of Christ into the people that come through the clinic; pray that we would take that opportunity and be a beacon of light in the community here.

-Kindra