Grandma.

I love you.  I know that you know that, but I just want another chance to say it.  To have you hear it.  Another chance to hug your neck and kiss your cheek.

My mind is flooded with such a collage of memories of the last twenty-four years....and you're in so many of them.

Our nearly-shared birthday.  Spending the night with you up at the hospital.  Sinking into your giant waterbed.  Sunday afternoons spent doing nothing special...just being a part of each other's lives.  Crying because I was so scared that I had broken you, when you and Mom decided to play a trick on me and make me believe that I knocked your teeth out.  "Helping" you stock drinks at the bakery.  Being wrapped in your arms as you told me how proud you were of me when I finally graduated from nursing school.

You were always there.

And now all I want is to have been able to be there for you one more time.

You were, and still are, an inspiration to me.  You weren't perfect - nobody is - but you were beautifully flawed.  You believed with all of your heart in the goodness of your Saviour.  You cried as you told me how badly you wished you were in better health so that you could help Mom out more since she's done so much for you.  You sent me vitamins and beef jerky.  You prayed for me.

There are so many things jumbled up in my mind that I want to to say to you.  To try to explain to you how much you mean to me.  How my heart is shattering at the thought that I won't see you when I get home.  The physical pain that hit me when I read Dad's message yesterday.

But basically, it mostly just boils down to one thing, so I'll leave it at that -

I love you.

-Kindra